Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize