Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
