Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
