bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
