There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
