Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
