There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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