like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
