But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
