He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
