I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize