How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
