I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
