I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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