when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
