Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
