I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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