we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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