She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
