Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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