dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
