WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
