from now on my penis is your penis
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
