just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
