Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
