He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So vagazzling was a success
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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