His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
