I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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