Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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