I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
