Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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