you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
