too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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