wakey wakey hands off snakey
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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