I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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