i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What a fucking waste of an outfit
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
