Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
