literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
