u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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