Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
