if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize