your parents love me but you hate me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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