FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
