So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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