I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
