i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
