Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles

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  (706): Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles http://tfl.nu/50ki
  Replies (24) Good night (1053) Bad night (3387)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday

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  (203): franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday http://tfl.nu/o3qe
  Replies (35) Good night (3445) Bad night (760)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!

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  (970): What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk (1-970): That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at! http://tfl.nu/fm55
  Replies (80) Good night (1147) Bad night (3874)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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  (856): We tried having a conversation with our noses. http://tfl.nu/by13
  Replies (9) Good night (2791) Bad night (865)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'

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  (314): Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?' http://tfl.nu/xaro
  Replies (17) Good night (1160) Bad night (6412)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (3097) Bad night (5074)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

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  (856): it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar. http://tfl.nu/5cy5
  Replies (6) Good night (4215) Bad night (1782)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.

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  (305): I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him. http://tfl.nu/a6jy
  Replies (4) Good night (3568) Bad night (785)
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  (+65): View more from

  No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

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  (+65): No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car. http://tfl.nu/46mc
  Replies (20) Good night (4612) Bad night (1172)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation

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  (505): I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation http://tfl.nu/u5tc
  Replies (12) Good night (1146) Bad night (3212)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.

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  (316): Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend. (1-316): I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome. http://tfl.nu/5svt
  Replies (2) Good night (852) Bad night (1122)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't even know what to say right now

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  (773): I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away. (847): I don't even know what to say right now http://tfl.nu/f47i
  Replies (6) Good night (1167) Bad night (599)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests

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  (857): Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests http://tfl.nu/5mbt
  Replies (9) Good night (1630) Bad night (443)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...

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  (613): Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches... http://tfl.nu/4xud
  Replies (9) Good night (998) Bad night (400)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried

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  (905): He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried http://tfl.nu/pylc
  Replies (5) Good night (401) Bad night (594)

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