Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

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  (613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t
  Replies (79) Good night (9717) Bad night (1602)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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  (917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu
  Replies (14) Good night (1297) Bad night (5026)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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  (310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars. http://tfl.nu/7ljv
  Replies (187) Good night (9476) Bad night (7454)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.

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  (781): Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger. http://tfl.nu/4opy
  Replies (7) Good night (943) Bad night (2377)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.

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  (903): I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times. http://tfl.nu/nwwj
  Replies (19) Good night (7540) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

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  (856): and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show http://tfl.nu/o1xq
  Replies (4) Good night (3212) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex

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  (226): This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex http://tfl.nu/70co
  Replies (7) Good night (1993) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.

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  (250): we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation. http://tfl.nu/ezo2
  Replies (5) Good night (1289) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.

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  (779): I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/p354
  Replies (13) Good night (2099) Bad night (1621)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.

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  (813): I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry. http://tfl.nu/1un5
  Replies (7) Good night (515) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now

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  (954): I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now http://tfl.nu/o3a4
  Replies (8) Good night (2025) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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  (843): I need to hump something and I know u understand. http://tfl.nu/eg48
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus

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  (267): My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus http://tfl.nu/z4ro
  Replies (1) Good night (1037) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.

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  (320): I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis. http://tfl.nu/yg5k
  Replies (2) Good night (1040) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.

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  (585): There should be a Doritos delivery van or something. http://tfl.nu/p6lg
  Replies (1) Good night (257) Bad night (108)

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