i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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