i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.