the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.