Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!

(1-313): View more from Michigan

I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????

(313): View more from Michigan

Honestly.

(313): View more from Michigan

Don't say a word.

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(313) So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays! (1-313) I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol????? (313) Honestly. (313) Don't say a word. http://tfl.nu/wjb7

Replies (7) Good night (1124) Bad night (503)
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(514): View more from Quebec

Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

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(514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y

Replies (42) Good night (14494) Bad night (1007)
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(714): View more from California

20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"

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(714): 20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!" http://tfl.nu/w8i5

Replies (33) Good night (5822) Bad night (1015)
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(678): View more from Georgia

He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

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(678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu

Replies (20) Good night (6122) Bad night (864)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

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(404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca

Replies (5) Good night (2816) Bad night (1252)
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(586): View more from Michigan

from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke

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(586): from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke http://tfl.nu/jxf3

Replies (4) Good night (2336) Bad night (1154)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

ugh yes i love our date nights

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(814): i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey (1-814): ugh yes i love our date nights http://tfl.nu/d1p8

Replies (4) Good night (3047) Bad night (703)
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(206): View more from Washington

He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

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(206): He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking. http://tfl.nu/jryu

Replies (25) Good night (6152) Bad night (811)
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(775): View more from Nevada

She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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(775): She called to say she's single and blow job season is back. http://tfl.nu/ndvl

Replies (7) Good night (3671) Bad night (650)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.

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(540): Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday. http://tfl.nu/c8hf

Replies (7) Good night (1559) Bad night (601)
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(347): View more from New York

That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.

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(347): That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where. http://tfl.nu/6uae

Replies (11) Good night (649) Bad night (373)
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(813): View more from Florida

So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.

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(813): So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/qno1

Replies (2) Good night (1028) Bad night (546)
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(970): View more from Colorado

You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.

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(970): You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock. http://tfl.nu/iwwh

Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (198)
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(216): View more from Ohio

When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...

(1-216): View more from Ohio

I can't

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(216): When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter... (1-216): I can't http://tfl.nu/0pin

Replies (4) Good night (212) Bad night (706)
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(941): View more from Florida

It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5

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(941): It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5 http://tfl.nu/f2uj

Replies (3) Good night (279) Bad night (558)

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