all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick