Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
