so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
