Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
