Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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