So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We need to rekindle our bromance
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
