Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
