I heard we made out
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
