just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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