Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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