he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
