I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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