just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I could fuck to npr.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
