so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
