Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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