So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
