My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
as a side note pls kill me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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