and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
