And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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