okay pat passed out under dana's car
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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