Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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