Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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