call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
