i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
