Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
