He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it fun? or sober?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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