whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
