i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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