at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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