I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
