I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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