omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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