i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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