Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
