tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
