I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
