He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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