I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
