Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
