theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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