i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
