went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
