Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
