I'm eating all of the evidence.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
