I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
